Vision

I've been listening to Andy Stanley lately. Not the Andy Stanley carefully organized in books and tapes, but the unedited Andy Stanley in an interview with the folks from the Catylst Conference. There were two points in particular that have grabbed my attention and won't let go.

First, Andy says that in the end, leaders look back on the opportunities they chased. We set goals, we plan, but we really have no control over what's coming and it is the opportunities taken that eventually define a ministry. That's freeing.

Second, he says that it is initiative that defines leaders much more than talent or intelligence. John Maxwell used to tell him to watch for staff who took ownership, who were willing to start things. Those were the ones to trust with more. It's about courage.

Which leads me to the real point. We have a little over three years left here. Suddenly, we begin to think about life after seminary. On Saturday, I asked Wendy what she saw next. Do we seek a wounded church looking for a senior pastor? Do we seek a small church ready to hire it's first pastor? Do we come on as an associate and wait patiently? Do we wait for a perfectly healthy church to look for a new pastor? Do we wait to be approached by someone seeking to plant? OR, do we start making plans now--initiating--to help plant or begin a new work....

It's a thought that haunts me. I struggle with the arrogance of those who begin churches by throwing off accountability. And yet, it is the repainting of the church that keeps it healthy and moving forward. And, if it can be birthed with the blessing of a parent church, then health can come quickly and humbly.

So, we begin a new set of questions and a new phase of life. Is there a particular region where we feel burden? Is there a particular group of people? Do we already have a vision and need to flesh it out? Are the leaders we would need already in our lives? When we came to Texas, we came with the vow that we would never again allow fear to keep us from following. My own sermon about Nehemiah 2 helped remind us of that, which is what God often does when we unfold the Word. We're starting to pray new prayers. We're ready to begin dreaming. We're not alone.

Beaver Bend

It was colder than we expected. It was more rustic than we expected. It was less kid-friendly than we expected. It was exactly what we needed. Wendy will put up some more pictures tomorrow and she may disagree in her assessment, but I believe the camping trip that we cut short was a wonderful beginning to a wonderful week.

My soul needed the walks in the dark and the outdoor cooking and the chance to walk around with a hunting knife again. My kids needed a family without computers and cell phones and a daddy who had time and could teach them things. Wendy needed a husband fully alive again. We speak often of the busyness that comes when seminary is in session, but it's only in weeks like that when we really appreciate just how difficult life had been.

A week of late mornings, laughing children, long delayed projects, a smiling Wendy and a focused Steve brings us up to date like a long unbalanced checkbook. Now we once again begin to make withdrawals and we pray that the lessons of last week stick. We pray that we not let the account sink so low before the deposits come.

It was one of the best weeks of my life.


Tuesdays 2:
1-The Nehemiah sermon is online. There is no PowerPoint--I used props on stage. It will be awhile before I tell the other part of the story.
2-My sister Patti was in town tonight and took us to dinner and then sat down at our house for a long and well cherished family catch-up session.

Escape!

Woohoo! We're off for Beaver Bend after a long Sunday preaching. Someday, I might tell you the whole story, but for now, it was a Sunday to remember.... We should be down from the web for at least a week!

Prairie Creek

I went to Prairie Creek Park today (pretend it's still Tuesday).

I was up late last night and I sat and listened to Coldplay as I rebuilt Wendy's computer and broke down yet again over Robbie. On the way to a day retreat at Paul's house, I had extra time, so I turned down Custer Road.

I drove around the park and soon found a parking detent on the east side. As I walked down a dirt path, I was struck by the design of a tree with five or so trunks. I thought, "I know he would have liked this tree. I wonder if this is where he did it...."

I tried to call Judy Sarwin to complete my morbid obsession and ask her where he was. No answer, so I tried Josh Hebert. Josh lost his sister in December, followed by his job in Austin and now his engagement. He's hurting. He aches. It was a good time to call. By then, Judy had left a message so I tried again.

Judy doesn't see the park the same way. I want to bring my bike and take a picture of the tree and the bridges. She wants to avoid it. She doesn't walk there anymore. His degree of planning is difficult to process. It makes me question why he kept us away in Dallas. I know he felt like a burden, but I wonder if he was also minimizing the potential obstacles....

I was right about the tree.

We talked about Josh and his losses and the fruitless trail of regret. Judy has struggled with it herself but she's moving past it. I'm not sure Josh is able to do that yet. That's a prayer for him--there is no satisfying the "what ifs" and they will not end. They must not be entertained.

The park is lovely. I find it serene and peaceful and will return. I'm not sure why. I needed to land the unanswered questions. I needed to feel close to Rob. It didn't make me feel close to him. It made me angry. It made me feel defeat again. Someday I will go to Judy's and read the letters. Today it is enough to mourn. The tears will be back in a minute.

Velvet

I finished Velvet Elvis last night. I've been told that Rob Bell rambles a bit and that his first book is understandably unpolished, but I disagree. Rob apparently designed his own print layout, with orange pages and subtitles for each movement; even the endnotes become part of the story. With that kind of attention to detail, it's silly to presume that the that the seeming lack of structure in any way rambles. Rather, his gentle narrative disarms. It engages your modern assumptions and your postmodern arrogance and then sells you a new view--a view of the church. A view of a battered and beautiful woman who has stood the test of 2000 years and continues on, even flourishing. And he brings you to tears in the process with truths that seem too good to be true and force you to the appendix to see if he can prove it. He says what needed saying and then he convicts you for your anger and your pride and your nearsightedness. It is a beautiful book. I hope to read it again. I hope he's at Catalyst.

I ordered five copies today to give away. GK, I'm sure you've read it, but if you haven't, then it's a must. I'd love to hear your thoughts and greatly miss the opportunity to do so regularly (maybe July).

For Lisa's List:
1-I've spent several days rebuilding Wendy's (new) hard drive. I've been enjoying it thoroughly!
2-I register for summer and fall classes on Wednesday and am nervous about how much I can take and how we'll pay for it.

Two More

Ok--I'm starting to whine, but we're really wondering what God is up to (or is it the enemy?).

This morning, Madison got up sick (again) and then the hard drive crashed on Wendy's computer (as in, "computer no longer functions"). And, I haven't mentioned it, but Dad went into a wheelchair a couple of weeks ago from an injury, but it looks like he'll never leave it. A test last week said "degenrative bone disease" and that he has worsened. We looked at pictures and stuff this weekend--the change in him over the eight years Megan has been with us was startling.

BUT, I did have a GREAT lunch with Cody. Lesson learned: communication in print is tricky--you just don't understand until you can hear a person's tone and see his face. Then you can communicate.

Tuesday Again

I'm tired and don't have anything exciting to say, so, I'm posting the obligatory two-fur:

1-My GI doctor called tonight (he's a great doctor). They got the biopsy back and I'm okay, but I do have Barrett's Espophagus. It's not cancer, but it means I'm higher risk and will need a biopsy every year or two, which is okay since I'll be having my esophagus stretched that often anyway. Apparently, I've had acid reflux for some time now and didn't know it was so bad....

2-I'm not going to read the book I have to report on Thursday. I have two things due in that class and I didn't get anything done over the weekend. So, I'm stopping where I am and just doing the other assignment. Worst case, it lowers my grade by one half a letter. I'm having to learn to let go of my GPA and worry more about what I'm actually learning. So, a seminary GPA (especially for the older students) doesn't necessarily reflect the value received.

3-Wendy's cool. You can read about our troubling weekend here. I know, this makes three, but everybody else is cheating. While I'm at it:

4-I got a personal copy of Adobe Illustrator today. We had some money left in an account at the DTS bookstore, so I did it. I've had CS2 at the office for several weeks now, but Adobe doesn't let you put a copy on the ole laptop. I'm still torn--Freehand has a lot of strengths, but so does Illustrator, even though the files are at least double the size.

Tuesday Duo

1-The Gorillas will be returning in 2006! We tried to practice Saturday, but got ice-drizzled out. Seriously, I actually skidded twice on the way to church Sunday. It wasn't much of a skid, but it was actual ice!

2-There are over 300,000 discrepancies between the 6000 or so Greek manuscripts and fragments we use to form the Greek New Testament. However, 99% of those are spelling differences and such like potato or potatoe. It remains the single-most perfectly preserved text in history, followed by the Old Testament. My prof says, "we have the original texts and more." Our scholars spend much of their effort in trimming away the excess. After that, they add punctuation and paragraphs--neither of which exist in the manuscripts. And, there are another 10,000 Latin manuscripts to wrestle through (the language that Rome would bring). So, when we read the Bible, we interpret. Always. It keeps us humble to recognize the work of centuries of scholars who have so carefully sorted through so much. And yet, no real scholar has ever attacked the Bible on the grounds of it's preservation and authenticity. That's why the DaVinci Code is thin--it tries to cast doubt on something that study would quickly dispell. Ok, I haven't read it yet. I'll probably wait on the movie.

Sorry--I was trying to be short...

Moving the Anchor

Okay, the much debated message is now online! You can get it here, or download it directly from the link to the right (way down). The "notes" file is actually the PowerPoint as a PDF file. It's all pictorial, so it may be hard to follow with the slides, but I think they help. This is from the 4th service, if that matters, it changed very little from service to service. No expectations on my end--but if you want to hear what I said, here it is.

Thanks to all who have chimed in--the feedback is truly helpful and it's a great test of my belief that a blog is a place to have a "real" and sometimes a little messy conversation (if you start cussing, I might have to edit that part ;-) ).

Tomorrow

I just finished preparing the message for tomorrow. Seriously. I don't think I've ever spent so many hours on one message and felt like I had so little to say. I'll continue to pray, but after being up til 3 last night on it, I don't think I can make more changes. Father, use that platform tomorrow as you wish. Let your Word speak through me and let us see the future of Bent Tree as you would direct.

Fog

Woohoo! My head is slowly rising from the fog. I just finished a rather consuming exam and now only see sermon prep, missions meeting prep and being "on-call" before me for the week. Right now, I'm between class and my mandatory spiritual formation group and stopped by the library. Tonight, I actually get to run home and just play with my kids and maybe even watch a movie with my college sweetheart! APPENDED: that's after I go register the Gorillas--our soccer team!

I know that's cryptic, but this has been a rather heavy week and I'm finally past one of the big hurdles (fellow Greek students, notice that I said "past" it, not that I "passed" it).

I am excited about pulling together the sermon for Sunday. It's a topic I love and a group of people I love and a method I love (yes I still have to write it, but much has been gathered). I won't be walking straight through a text, but I will be helping our body understand the shift in worldviews that is upon us and how to be Christian in the midst of it. I don't have all the answers, but I'm excited about what I think I know and I can't wait to help us enter this conversation.

Here's my 2 Things Tuesday 2 Days Late:

1-Dad had to get a wheelchair last week due to a back injury. Please pray that it doesn't become permanent.
2-I got Robbie's poem published, kindof. DTS has an arts community site and I submitted it last month. You can see it here. Yes, I'm shamelessly seeking affirmation or for someone to tell me to stop writing poetry ;-)

Tuesday times 1.5

1-My uncle died yesterday. He was 92. He died from pneumonia. I know it's morbid, but I think that's a good thing--to be 92 and to not die from cancer.... He's the one in the middle, about 40 years ago. My favorite memory with him was going to see his sawmill. And, he had a very cool basement. The pretty lady is Mom's big sister.
2-Someone from our church called me today (Whitney). She's writing a drama to support the sermon I'm giving on Feb. 19. I think that is amazing. At the end of the day, my passion is communication. It's the same for the creative team. How do we best communicate what we believe God wants us to say? Kewl.

3-We started reading missions applications today. 7th graders are so easy to love. We asked, "How would you lead someone to Christ?" One said, "I might do it on the bus or at lunch. I might use the bridge trick with two Coke cans and some foil." We'll probably re-write that question for next year!

Tuesday Two

1-Churchmarketingsucks.com just ran an article on an experiment from the UK where secular marketers were challenged to promote church attendance. While some things were predictable, there is a wealth of insight in their findings and observations. My favorite is this gem:

If a church can get in touch with Jesus' teachings rather than just ritual, so people actually live it out-that would appeal to me. I think people are also looking for a clear message that they could apply to their daily lives," says Wilcock.

To paraphrase, "If a church could act like Jesus, we could sell that."

2-I started reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell this weekend (in my spare time, right after that last post ;-)). In the first chapter he uses two analogies to enter a discussion about modernism (bricks) and postmodernism (springs). He does it so gently that defenses don't go up and he never uses the words modern or postmodern. Although the core tenets of postmodernism are antithetical to Christianity, so were many of the beliefs of modernism that we swallowed. Regardless of whether or not we buy into it, our culture has changed. There are good articles on postmodernism here. Notice this summation by Stanley Hauerwas, a prominent Christian ethicist:

I confess I take perverse delight as a theologian in the controversies surrounding postmodernism. Modernity sought to secure knowledge in the structure of human rationality, and relegated God to the "gaps" or denied Him all together. Modernity said that God is a projection of the ideals and wants of what it means to be human so let us serve and worship the only God that matters-that is, the human. Postmodernists, in the quest to be thorough in their atheism, now deny that the human exists. Postmodernists are thus the atheists that only modernity could produce.

Elements

It's on the new David Crowder CD. Listen for it. He says, "the elements of worship are inadequate." It's quite a thought--he compares worship to our drawings of the atom. They are inadequate, but they are the best we can do. We simply cannot draw something that we barely even understand, so we draw what we understand: two dimensions and nice circles.

In 3 weeks, I get to speak to Bent Tree about our values and their relationship to a new, postmodern culture and generation. My efforts will be inadequate. I'm well into the plan and the scripture, but I have no answers for what must happen in the church for it to truly speak to my generation and those that follow. As a friend said last week, "I know what we are doing isn't the answer." And yet, we don't yet know the answer.

Our generation grew up in divorced homes; now we demand time off for family. Our generation grew up without the internet; now we direct it internationally. But we aged too quickly, and those below us have moved in. We look much like them, but something happened. Somewhere during our birth, the world began to shift. Modernism began to lose its grip. Postmodernism reared its head. Between us and the next generation, it took over. We are a legacy generation. We bridged the gap. We look postmodern and yet we are not fully so--the ideas were still forming as we grew.

And the church didn't notice. As postmodernism raised its voice, the church shouted. And as it shouted, it was ignored. Many among us still don't notice. They see the changes in culture and hold onto a belief that America will return to her roots. America will not return. The philosophical underpinnings of the age of reason that birthed her have died. The worldview that once provided a basis for the logic that governed our legal system, our ethical system and our moral base has passed. Authority is no longer assumed. And neither is religion. Where once we could not fathom a sincere ethical basis without a divine foundation, we now listen closely to men like Peter Singer and his atheistic pragmatism. Where life was once sacred, it is now merely life. Mere commodity.

In that culture, which many have failed to even recognize, the church must once again learn to speak. It has to move past the assumptions that have fallen. It must find itself again--not in the liberality of emotion and mysticism, but in the bedrock faith in a risen savior, eternal son of the triune God. We must find our footing in that which does not move. Something truly ancient.

In 3 weeks I get to explain to our church that the church will have trouble with us and even more trouble with those who follow. We love the church and yet we don't understand it. It is inadequate and we know it, but we're not very forgiving. I think James understood this. I think he had lived through a worldview that collapsed and then used his ministry to redefine the church--to release it to the gentiles. You'll have to listen to see why I believe that, but in the end, it's not an answer. It's inadequate. But maybe it's all we have. Maybe that 's the point.

Fire and Brimstone

I reckon that very few ever truly come to love God as he is. Maybe I'm wrong. Jonathan Edwards was big on this. He made sure to occasionally address the reality of hell and he did so graphically. He liked to posit the image of God from Isaiah 63.3-4:

"I have trodden the winepress alone;
from the nations no one was with me.
I trampled them in my anger
and trod them down in my wrath;
their blood spattered my garments,
and I stained all my clothing.
For the day of vengeance was in my heart,
and the year of my redemption has come

It's not the language we like to hear, and yet it is God himself speaking to us. Because we ignore it, we have allowed the skeptics and atheists to own these passages and now even find them embarrassing (example).

It struck me today at lunch with Paul--all those images from the Tsunami last year and the harbors full of bodies... What did it look like outside the ark? I imagine that the population was smaller, but I'm sure that the currents sometimes concentrated the flotsam. Perhaps, God held them in the boat for a year in order for the disease to subside. It was unspeakable carnage, and yet it was God himself writing the story.

As the church, we must tell the story as it is. God has no need for our embarrassment. Only when we see him as He is do we ever really see Him. The love stands side by side with his wrath. He's much more like Aslan than George Burns or Morgan Freeman.

For Tomorrow:
1-Here are pictures and video of all the animals on Earth.
2-Here's how to be funny. It works...
2.5-Others have greatly influenced my thinking above, including Glenn Kreider and Jeff Bingham.