wdJb?

This one's not as polished as the others, but it's the most useful chart I've made lately. Have you ever considered the testimony of Jesus as a validation or challenge to your own beliefs? Our professor mentioned a handful of stories that Jesus affirms as true, so I wondered if there were other things Jesus beleieved that might be useful to our ears. The prof agreed to let me use it as an assignment, so here's my list of twelve issues people challenge and where Jesus stood on each. See what you think.

I'm tempted to try to sell these (it looks best on 11x17 paper), but I'd need to see if I need permission from the church. Be honest--would anybody buy something like this for a couple of dollars?

For you JC folk, that Jesus is located in Roselawn Cemetary.

King

Ok, so this isn't going to be more fun. That last one shows the relationship between free will and original sin and our need for grace. This one's a little more accessible and you can look it up.

There are eleven prophecies in the gospel of Matthew where Matthew specifically points out fulfillment. They're a little weird until you see two things: One, Matthew is writing to explain how Jesus is the King of the Jews but they rejected him. The stories take place in the past and show what happened. Two, the prophecies weren't fulfilled in the way we use that word. It's more like they were satisfied. And, some of them are less about Jesus and more about how he parallels something that happened to Israel (like they were rescued from Egypt and so was he). When that clicks, they make a lot of sense, but even better, they tell a story. Matthew was using the references to Old Testament events to explain who Jesus was and to tell they story all over again in a beautiful and elaborate way.

I just finished this for class tomorrow. The story is on the right. If I get a bad grade, I'll fix this post--so don't go preaching any sermons with this yet!

Sin and Destiny

As you may have picked up from recent posts, I've spent a lot of time with this issue lately. Below is the result of that time and some significant frustration trying to create a visual flow of the issues. As it happens, many other issues only matter to certain brown boxes (like total depravity is only an issue on the left). Also, the 3 brown boxes on the left are all Christian positions. The 4th may be. The 5th (box on the right) is not. If you see any error, let me know.

Anyway, I know this is remarkably boring. I'll do better, I promise. I'm finishing the test for this class tonight (Wendy's recent post is much more authentic). But a couple of you may find it useful (I have a PowerPoint version that builds the chart as it goes--just ask). Thanks Kelly for the pic--your name is well preserved in the PowerPoint version and title slide, but no Kelly Michelle....

The tree represents original sin (am I guilty or not?). The fire represents salvation (who lights the spark and initiates--me or God?).


UPDATE: Diagram edited and replaced 6-1-06

Wisdom

Inevitably someone asks if babies and the mentally handicapped go to heaven. Seriously. We all want to know, and I'm ready to give you the answer: Dunno. Seriously. But think about this--how would we as believers be different if God had spelled out the solution to this painful dilemma?

If you want resolution on the issue, then which pole is less offensive? If all babies are saved, then abortion becomes a benevolent and noble gift--a free pass to heaven granted only by the most loving and gracious of parents. Euthanasia as grace. Peter Singer would be validated.

If all babies perish, then abortion becomes unpardonable--the intentional condemnation of a tiny soul to the godless chasm of Hell. Miscarriages would be insurmountable. Life support for the yet unregenerate could never be terminated for the paralyzing fear that a DNR order is tantamount to damnation.

In his wisdom, He does not answer this one. He may hint, but He does not speak. Mystery, and the tension it produces, keep us diligent--and hopeful.

Tears

I have been told that seminary takes a period of “getting over” before we’re any good for ministry. Perhaps that has been the experience of some. It wasn’t true today.

As we struggled over the doctrines of original sin and limited atonement and other fancy words that make people think we loose our hearts, we turned to Romans 8 and the moment built.

There are moments teachers plan for, moments we seek to create, moments we let ourselves believe we control. But sometimes, God actually moves and we get to watch and know we had nothing to do with it.

There is great pain in the Gospel—without it, the Gospel is meaningless. There are big words to describe it, but the truth is difficult: God will save some. Many others will perish eternally. We all deserve to perish; not because we have all sinned, but because Adam did and in some mysterious way, we participate in his sin. We’re guilty.

(Before you react to that, it’s a doctrine older than the Reformation and we have all held it for centuries. Those who didn’t were considered heretics. There is debate over total depravity, but not over original sin. But this is not the point.)

Some will be saved. Many will perish. Forever. And…God chooses. Read it. Romans 8.28-30. Those who love him were called. Those who are called are justified. Those who are justified were foreknown and predestined.

(The big debate here is over how He chooses and not whether He chooses—that’s true among the Cavinists, the Arminians and the Weslyens. Those who say He doesn’t choose must do so without the support of the Bible.)

That’s when the moment came. It was visceral and sincere. With tears and a quavering voice, she pleaded, “But how can he be just? What about my friends—the non-elect—who will go to Hell? I'm not okay with this!” Others chimed in and rang out. She wasn’t the only one crying. Dr. K was silent and moved, as he allowed the moment to find its footing. And then Dan spoke.

Dan’s voice was kind and empathetic and passionate, if not slightly trembling. He started to read from Romans 9. That’s when it all came together. Paul is writing through pain—perhaps even through tears—as he explains God’s love for Jacob and rejection of Esau. Paul feels the weight of verse 19—if it is God who decides, then all are in accord with the will of God.

Here Paul turns the corner. He doesn’t answer the question. Instead, he pulls the focus back to the God we do not nor can not fully comprehend. Although it reads like a rebuke, Paul tenderly returns us to our place as humble and undeserving sinners. Sinners who have been given mercy by the Potter. But it comes with a burden: mercy reminds us of the wrath.

Paul calls it unceasing anguish. I saw it today at seminary as I watched a class weep for the lost. I continue to find my heart here. I hope I never get over it.


Tidbits
• There’s a great article here on the confusion over U2’s use of the phrase “coexist.”
• We’re going to the beach in July—we’re camping again and pretty excited ($15 a night and a much shorter drive and thanks again to T. H. for use of the camper)!
• Dad had his first epidural yesterday (yep, an epidural for a problem in his low back). So far, he’s out of his wheelchair (which I didn’t think would happen) and he asks that we keep praying!

Which Hell?

I had found myself prepared to dismiss much of the emerging church discussion. Some of the voices and thier distance from orthodoxy led me to turn my back. Then I had lunch with one.

On Tuesday, at the National Conference on Preaching with Pete and Scott, We went to eat with Doug Pagitt, a leading voice in the movement and the pastor of Solomon's Porch, kindof. As it happens, he and Pete played basketball together in undergrad and I am so very thankful to have been included. Three hours later, we finally re-entered the conference.

Doug is fascinating, both in his sincerity of pursuit and in his courage of conviction. While we differ in our views on the early expressions of Christianity and the roles of scripture and authority, it was a wonderfully stimulating discussion and at times convicting. I have held a silent belief that those on the edges would take us back to discussions of myth and would fade from the scene, but Doug changed my view. We cannot merely form our positions and step away. We must engage.

He forced me beyond my categories and it stirred things up both in my home and in my early morning Greek class. Some of the emerging leaders are challenging the ideas of orthodoxy and the expression of a single form of Christianity. Doug would be more comfortable to speak of various Christian expressions appearing in differing regions during the first few centuries. I would have been more comfortable to speak of heresy error. He would attribute the efforts of the early fathers to silence early dissenters to both fear of loss and an overt influence of Greco-Roman philosophy. In Greek on Thursday, a Latin reference led to a linguistic question I honestly thought would last only a few seconds. It lit a spark in Dr. J and I was surprised to find yet another passionate voice in facing the issues of postmodernism and the nature of truth and authority (Dr. E later that morning; I already knew about Dr. K).

It seems we have all been wanting to ignore the gospel of Judas--some have even ridiculed it. But our emerging friends are paying close attention and even embracing the questions. To those on the outside, confused by the Da Vinci code, they look like heroes. This is a discussion we must enter. An arena that cannot be ignored. As Dieter Zander echoed on Tuesday, I don't think postmodernism is the destination; it is the change to a new culture we can not yet see. If we're not careful, we will lose the ability to help frame the discussion as we move into this new place. I asked Doug about ideas of separation and judgment. He quickly went to my real question--"Do you believe in Hell?" He replied, "Which Hell--the place of the dead in the Old Testament, the chasm of Abraham's bosom or the lake of fire in Revelation?"

I fear in Doug an absence of any source of authority outside his community. He fears in me a reliance on boundaries set for a different age and a blind trust in the authorities of the past. This is a conversation that must be had. And it must be had with brothers and sisters who are sincere in their pursuit of Christ, even if we wouldn't always agree on exactly what that means. I've know for a long time that we came to seminary to prepare for the postmoderns. It seems I'm too late. Doug, if you see this, then thank you. I would love to follow up with another lunch someday--on me.

Verizon Update

At last, it only took three hours to get the router working... As it happens, most of what was on the Verizon site was invalid as was most of what was online. I have a great router even though an hour with Linksys tech support couldn't fix it either. Verizon does this strange thing with MAC cloning that lets you bypass the modem without them having to actually alter anything and it only took me two nights to figure it out... But it's working!!

I have another surgical procedure tomorrow. They're stretching (actually, breaking) my esophagus first thing in the morning. Last time, I ended up in the ER for several hours, so let's pray this one goes a bit better.

Cody, we'll chat about U2 sometime (and I'm listening to a lot of Coldplay lately). But I can't rat out my friend! Feel free to send me the research, but I'm still going to be a fan--I just won't worship them (wink)!

Prayer rquest: Craig Hamlow wants me to come speak in Alaska the same week I'm going to the Catalyst conference in Atlanta (that I've been excited about all year). He's praying it will fall through! Personally, I'm torn.

Verizon and Stuff

Sorry we're so behind, but our internet is down at home. We tried to change providers in March and found that we had to cancel our other account first (apparently we're the first ones to ever change providers and they don't feel the need to tell you they can't take over the lines for you). So, now that that's done, we spent 1.5 hours (honest) on the phone with Verizon Monday. After speaking with 8 people (honest) to see why we still had not been connected, someone said they had a hardware issue and had bumped our service ready date--without telling us, of course. However, they assure me that they may send emails out to people who don't have service. Anyway, we should be up by Monday. Somewhere in the middle of all that, the Verizon Fiber Optic people came by the house with a really sweet deal. Now it's kind of a race to see which Verizon branch (that doesn't speak to the other one) gets us set up first. Of course, the FiOS people haven't called back yet. Surprise! There. That felt good. I'll repent later.

UPDATE: 4-20-2006
Lo and behold, we had service last night when I got home. However, the modem they send is not configured to work with a router and Verizon forces the installation of proprietary software (after i was connected, I found out how to avoid that). SO, I worked until 2 trying to configure the modem to work with our router. Verizon has instructions, but they are incomplete (They leave things out, like the password you need to log onto the modem. Fortunately, you can find it through Google). But it still isn't working. Once you re-configure it, it cannot be hooked directly to the computer, so if the router setup isn't working (and it isn't), then you can't get online to do more research. You have to reset the modem and then reconnect everything. Not fun. I gave up and will begin again tonight. I'll probably have to reset my router and lose my encrypted connection to my laptop. Oh well. The good thing is it's a lot faster than they actually promise--a nice bonus since they force you through the beginner's installation and don't allow an express install (unless you think to Google it and find out about the online set-up which I didn't think to do).

But, I'm in a great mood and the trials of this week (not this one--the one I can't blog about) have actually been energizing and even encouraging.

Retreat

We're heading to East Texas this weekend for our spring retreat. We call it the crossover weekend because we bring the 6th grade and start building relationships with them--I hope to eventually link to the promo videos our interns (Seth's blog is here but he uses his hidden student worship team blog almost exclusively now; Allie doesn't have a blog...yet) made because they're just funny (look at the Emerald Nuts TV spots and they'll be even funnier). Of course, I don't have them yet, so, here are some tidbits:

1-Someone on our team--whom we all know but whose name I hate to put on the internet--accidentally forgot to finalize our bus contracts and found out about it on Friday. It made her (oops, it was a she) nauseous but made us laugh. we've given her plenty of grief and many encouraging and clever comments so she's doing much better now. Remarkably, she solved the problem even though every bus in north Texas is rented out for the race weekend. Now we just need drivers for about 17 vans!

2-We segment the 8th grade on this weekend and talk about s-e-x. The goal was to replace our old purity weekend with something the parents would have an easier time talking their kids into. We did a much better job communicating that this year. We've got over 80 8th graders coming and it's going to be very cool (I think this might be a popular topic). And the parents know exactly what we're talking about (explicit content warning on the flyer and everything). I'm still a little gun-shy (and wiser) from last year, but I'm committed. Lisa and Tim, you'll appreciate that the guy time/gal time is almost identical to what we used to do with high schoolers.

Vision

I've been listening to Andy Stanley lately. Not the Andy Stanley carefully organized in books and tapes, but the unedited Andy Stanley in an interview with the folks from the Catylst Conference. There were two points in particular that have grabbed my attention and won't let go.

First, Andy says that in the end, leaders look back on the opportunities they chased. We set goals, we plan, but we really have no control over what's coming and it is the opportunities taken that eventually define a ministry. That's freeing.

Second, he says that it is initiative that defines leaders much more than talent or intelligence. John Maxwell used to tell him to watch for staff who took ownership, who were willing to start things. Those were the ones to trust with more. It's about courage.

Which leads me to the real point. We have a little over three years left here. Suddenly, we begin to think about life after seminary. On Saturday, I asked Wendy what she saw next. Do we seek a wounded church looking for a senior pastor? Do we seek a small church ready to hire it's first pastor? Do we come on as an associate and wait patiently? Do we wait for a perfectly healthy church to look for a new pastor? Do we wait to be approached by someone seeking to plant? OR, do we start making plans now--initiating--to help plant or begin a new work....

It's a thought that haunts me. I struggle with the arrogance of those who begin churches by throwing off accountability. And yet, it is the repainting of the church that keeps it healthy and moving forward. And, if it can be birthed with the blessing of a parent church, then health can come quickly and humbly.

So, we begin a new set of questions and a new phase of life. Is there a particular region where we feel burden? Is there a particular group of people? Do we already have a vision and need to flesh it out? Are the leaders we would need already in our lives? When we came to Texas, we came with the vow that we would never again allow fear to keep us from following. My own sermon about Nehemiah 2 helped remind us of that, which is what God often does when we unfold the Word. We're starting to pray new prayers. We're ready to begin dreaming. We're not alone.

Beaver Bend

It was colder than we expected. It was more rustic than we expected. It was less kid-friendly than we expected. It was exactly what we needed. Wendy will put up some more pictures tomorrow and she may disagree in her assessment, but I believe the camping trip that we cut short was a wonderful beginning to a wonderful week.

My soul needed the walks in the dark and the outdoor cooking and the chance to walk around with a hunting knife again. My kids needed a family without computers and cell phones and a daddy who had time and could teach them things. Wendy needed a husband fully alive again. We speak often of the busyness that comes when seminary is in session, but it's only in weeks like that when we really appreciate just how difficult life had been.

A week of late mornings, laughing children, long delayed projects, a smiling Wendy and a focused Steve brings us up to date like a long unbalanced checkbook. Now we once again begin to make withdrawals and we pray that the lessons of last week stick. We pray that we not let the account sink so low before the deposits come.

It was one of the best weeks of my life.


Tuesdays 2:
1-The Nehemiah sermon is online. There is no PowerPoint--I used props on stage. It will be awhile before I tell the other part of the story.
2-My sister Patti was in town tonight and took us to dinner and then sat down at our house for a long and well cherished family catch-up session.

Escape!

Woohoo! We're off for Beaver Bend after a long Sunday preaching. Someday, I might tell you the whole story, but for now, it was a Sunday to remember.... We should be down from the web for at least a week!

Prairie Creek

I went to Prairie Creek Park today (pretend it's still Tuesday).

I was up late last night and I sat and listened to Coldplay as I rebuilt Wendy's computer and broke down yet again over Robbie. On the way to a day retreat at Paul's house, I had extra time, so I turned down Custer Road.

I drove around the park and soon found a parking detent on the east side. As I walked down a dirt path, I was struck by the design of a tree with five or so trunks. I thought, "I know he would have liked this tree. I wonder if this is where he did it...."

I tried to call Judy Sarwin to complete my morbid obsession and ask her where he was. No answer, so I tried Josh Hebert. Josh lost his sister in December, followed by his job in Austin and now his engagement. He's hurting. He aches. It was a good time to call. By then, Judy had left a message so I tried again.

Judy doesn't see the park the same way. I want to bring my bike and take a picture of the tree and the bridges. She wants to avoid it. She doesn't walk there anymore. His degree of planning is difficult to process. It makes me question why he kept us away in Dallas. I know he felt like a burden, but I wonder if he was also minimizing the potential obstacles....

I was right about the tree.

We talked about Josh and his losses and the fruitless trail of regret. Judy has struggled with it herself but she's moving past it. I'm not sure Josh is able to do that yet. That's a prayer for him--there is no satisfying the "what ifs" and they will not end. They must not be entertained.

The park is lovely. I find it serene and peaceful and will return. I'm not sure why. I needed to land the unanswered questions. I needed to feel close to Rob. It didn't make me feel close to him. It made me angry. It made me feel defeat again. Someday I will go to Judy's and read the letters. Today it is enough to mourn. The tears will be back in a minute.

Velvet

I finished Velvet Elvis last night. I've been told that Rob Bell rambles a bit and that his first book is understandably unpolished, but I disagree. Rob apparently designed his own print layout, with orange pages and subtitles for each movement; even the endnotes become part of the story. With that kind of attention to detail, it's silly to presume that the that the seeming lack of structure in any way rambles. Rather, his gentle narrative disarms. It engages your modern assumptions and your postmodern arrogance and then sells you a new view--a view of the church. A view of a battered and beautiful woman who has stood the test of 2000 years and continues on, even flourishing. And he brings you to tears in the process with truths that seem too good to be true and force you to the appendix to see if he can prove it. He says what needed saying and then he convicts you for your anger and your pride and your nearsightedness. It is a beautiful book. I hope to read it again. I hope he's at Catalyst.

I ordered five copies today to give away. GK, I'm sure you've read it, but if you haven't, then it's a must. I'd love to hear your thoughts and greatly miss the opportunity to do so regularly (maybe July).

For Lisa's List:
1-I've spent several days rebuilding Wendy's (new) hard drive. I've been enjoying it thoroughly!
2-I register for summer and fall classes on Wednesday and am nervous about how much I can take and how we'll pay for it.

Two More

Ok--I'm starting to whine, but we're really wondering what God is up to (or is it the enemy?).

This morning, Madison got up sick (again) and then the hard drive crashed on Wendy's computer (as in, "computer no longer functions"). And, I haven't mentioned it, but Dad went into a wheelchair a couple of weeks ago from an injury, but it looks like he'll never leave it. A test last week said "degenrative bone disease" and that he has worsened. We looked at pictures and stuff this weekend--the change in him over the eight years Megan has been with us was startling.

BUT, I did have a GREAT lunch with Cody. Lesson learned: communication in print is tricky--you just don't understand until you can hear a person's tone and see his face. Then you can communicate.