Courage

I was just writing on another blog about Elijah and the whole fed-by-ravens incident (1 Kings 17). I really wish God told us how long it took for the brook to dry up, because I think we miss some important things in the passage. It's easy to look from a distance and imagine Walden pond and a content and reflective Elijah sitting back, smoking his pipe as the sun set, awaiting the arrival of the ravens. I doubt it was like that. We have no picture of his life before, but I'm pretty sure things turned lonely and monotonous very quickly. And these weren't eagles dropping by with fresh rabbits. I'm not sure if ravens capture living animals, but if they do, I imagine they look more like rats than rabbits. Otherwise, I'm wondering what kinds of dead meat God would allow them to bring. Obedience costs us something.

The problem I face here in Dallas, is that I continually re-evaluate the price. It was easy to obey God when he first pushed us this direction. Two-and-a-half years in, it gets a little drought-like from time to time. We try not to talk about it on the blog, but sometimes the financial issues are completely defeating. We're not starving--we still eat out more than we should, but it's hard not to when Wendy is so tired. In essence, she lives life like a single mom so I can be in school. We often re-evaluate how quickly she should return to work, but that line of thought fails to address the reality of our schedules.

Sometimes I'm lazy and undisciplined. Sometimes I'm exhausted, but most nights I get about two hours with my family and then disappear to study or be undisciplined in an effort to try to study. I usually don't use the two hours as well as I would like. I'm certainly not the servant they all need right now. On Wednesdays, I drop the girls at school and don't get home until after bedtime. The next morning, I leave for class before they get up. That's about 36 hours without seeing them. Sundays are better because I come home during the afternoon. I know: whine, whine, whine--everybody's got it hard. We're really thankful for Fridays and Saturdays right now. I usually remain confident that we're in the right place, but Wendy told me tonight what the girls were getting for Christmas and I trembled in my resolve. Sometimes it's all I can do to stick out this plan.

Obedience costs us something, but I wonder how long that stream lasted.... I fear that ours will be dry for years and I wish I knew when the ravens were coming.